00:48

it's way past my bedtime. i have a midterm in two days and i don't know a shit. i hate studying. maybe i'm not cut out to be a college student after all.

i feel like doing a million different things. i want to go to london and go to an indie concert. i want to go to paris and smoke cigarettes on the grass by the eiffel tower. i want to go home - to stockholm, that is - and walk the streets i know and love so much. i want to go to warsaw and sit down on a bench in old town with a good book in one hand and take away starbucks in the other. i want to go to new york and go to art galleries with my cousin. i want to go to chicago and drink tequila and shop at michigan ave with my best friend. i want to lay down next to my boyfriend in his cozy bed and kiss. i want to sit down with my mom on her soft couch and talk about the beatles. i want to drive around carelessly with my little sister. i want to drink tea and discuss psychology with my stepmom. i want to sing 50s songs with my dad. i want to watch e-span with my uncle and explain polish politics to him. i want to take my goddaughter to a playground and watch her smile as she runs around all happy and innocent, unaware of the god-awful world we live in. i want to take my beloved little doggies for a walk on the beach by our house.

but i can't. i'm stuck in my gran's smelly old apartment in northern Poland with a cup of cold lemon mint tea and a pack of nauseating lucky strikes. i didn't even feel like listening to music today. all there's left to do is to turn the stupid television and the stupid computer off and to go bed and snuggle up to my old dusty teddy bear that my uncle gave me for my 9th birthday.